Your Dream Job

During some personally difficult times, clients and colleagues will often ask, “Why do you do this work?” They are puzzled that we would choose to put ourselves in the middle of the messiness and pain that people experience in their lives and work.

We do this work because we know that when people matter to themselves and believe that others matter, too, success is ensured.

This is true in organizations, on teams, and with individual contributors. Success increases when people matter. Often in life, and especially at work, we can start to believe that things matter; results matter, money matters, but people…they are in the way. 

Yet, the most powerful leaders we know understand that it’s the people that create the success and that when those people are treated with respect for their contributions, with interest in their wisdom and perspective, and honored for the challenges they must deal with every day, everyone thrives. 

A few days ago, we found an article by Peter Wehner in the New York Times called, The Uncommon Power of Grace: A revolutionary idea lies at its core: radical equality. In it, there was a paragraph that described how we treat ourselves and one another when we believe people matter – the author used the term grace. 

When I recently asked . . .  how, as a nonbeliever, he understood grace and why it inspires us when we see it in others, he told me that grace is “some combination of generosity and magnanimity, kindness and forgiveness, and empathy — all above the ordinary call of duty, and bestowed even (or especially?) when not particularly earned.” We see it demonstrated in heroic ways and in small, everyday contexts, he said. “But I guess, regardless of the context, it’s always at least a little unexpected and out of the ordinary.”     

When we matter to ourselves and when we believe others matter, we bring a combination of generositymagnanimity, kindness, forgiveness, and empathy to ourselves and to others in the face of our humanity and the messiness it brings. 

This year, our commitment to you is to support you in mattering to yourself and to creating environments where others matter, because this is the combination that creates unexpected and out of the ordinary success

We’re in this together!

If you’d like support in showing your team that they matter, our Executive Coaching could be for you. Contact us today to learn more.

– Heather @ Carpenter Smith Consulting

5 Questions To Ask If You Are Craving Deeper Connections

Then I was the only brown skinned girl in the school that I attended in England. People called me “Paki” when I was Indian and I was physically and emotionally bullied for my color and culture.

Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, the single most important factor that defines our happiness and longevity in life is the quality of relationships we have in our life.

It’s not the quantity of people we know, but the quality of the relationships we have. This is a proven fact.

So if you are craving deep meaningful relationships (which I know for women is vital), but you often feel hurt, left out, or forgotten out of your network of friends, it’s time to take a closer look at what’s going on within.

Anytime things in your physical world are not going the way you want them to, the answers to course correcting them, lie within. Yes, I realize it’s sooooo cliche, but it’s cliche, because it’s the truth.

I moved A LOT growing up. I moved cities and countries and was always the odd one. First I was the girl, who was the only Hindu, in an area of India that was majority Christian. I prayed to a different God to the rest of the kids at school and for that I was mercilessly teased.

Then I was the only brown skinned girl in the school that I attended in England. People called me “Paki” when I was Indian and I was physically and emotionally bullied for my color and culture.

So, the story that I believed was that it was hard to make friends because I never fit in.

1Are you are looking for reasons to not fit in? Are you looking for evidence to confirm your stories and beliefs that you don’t have friends? As humans, we are programmed to see only the things that confirm our beliefs. Anything that debunks it, we weed it out, because we simply don’t see it.

So you might be missing perfectly good opportunities for friendships, because you are so busy believing that it’s hard to make friends.

2. Are you looking for others to invite you and make you feel included? It’s the party season and it’s easy to sit back and wait for others to make you feel included. And if we don’t get invited, it’s easy to pass the blame and the responsibility on to others and despise them for making us feel left out.

But, can you create your own event and invite the people you wish to get to know better? It’s hard to put yourself out there and risk being vulnerable, but the secret to building meaningful relationships is to make yourself available and open.

3. Are you wanting to belong to the crowd that you perceive as cool, rather than looking for “your people”?

I know this sounds so high-school’ish but a lot of us do this. We put people on a pedestal and often want to belong to their inner circle, but don’t see ourselves as good enough to belong.

This starts a vicious cycle where you appreciate them from afar, long to be part of the inner click but can’t bring yourself to integrate fully with them because you don’t feel good enough.

Stop idolizing and longing and start seeing yourself as worthy of having great friends.

Look for the people that make you feel comfortable in your own skin and have the same internal values as you, rather than the external materials things that you aspire to.

4. Are you censoring your true self? Worried that you are too loud, too shy, too much, too quiet, too boring, too………

If you are worried about your true self and you turn up at social gatherings as someone other than yourself, then you are not allowing others to experience the authentic you.

Trying to appear as someone other than yourself, is a guaranteed way of having shallow relationships, because no one has been allowed to get to know the real you.

5. Are you afraid to speak up and ask for what you want in your relationships?

I once had to fire a friend, because she was treating me as an afterthought. She would stand me up for lunch dates, play dates and dinner dates. I kept letting it slide, until one day I had had enough. So I ended the relationship and I wished her all the best in life.

I was heartbroken, but that was a lesson learned to speak up before things got bad in a friendship.

Today, I tell my girlfriends if I have been feeling ignored or unheard.

So where are you not speaking up? Where are you letting yourself be treated unfairly?

Building deep relationships doesn’t have to be hard.

But you do have to be willing to put yourself out there.

To take down some of the walls that you have carefully built over the years.

To take a look at your beliefs and stories that are self fulfilling, but are not helping you live the best version of your life.

During this holiday season, as you go to parties, start to become the observer of your thoughts and actions. Awareness is the key to change.

One Simple Question You Have To Ask Yourself Before Making Any Decision

Decisions are always emotional, no matter how rational you might think you are.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Making major decisions in life is usually stressful, confusing and paralyzing. Especially when it’s something that could affect the rest of your life.

Like what college to pick, which job offer to choose (if you are lucky to have multiple), should you move to a new city and should you start that business?

I am not going to make you read to the end of this article to give you the SIMPLE QUESTION.

So what is it?

“Am I making this decision based out of love or based out of fear?”

I know it sounds totally eccentric, but hear me out.

You assume that when you make decisions, you are making it after you have

  • collected all relevant information,
  • analyzing all of it,
  • weighing the pros and cons and
  • maybe even asking others’ opinions.

Wrong.

Decisions are always emotional, no matter how rational you might think you are.

When I started my first business as a sleep consultant, rationally, the decision made no sense.

I was a new mom trying to figure out life. I didn’t know a thing about running a business. I had no sleep training experience. I had no sales experience. I had no marketing experience. The investment was hefty!

But emotionally, I needed my independence. I needed to establish my identity other than a wife and a mother. I needed to use my talent and my skills.

I took the plunge.

At that time, I didn’t know to ask this key question, but I do know that I was making the decision based out of love.

Love for myself. My love for growth and challenges. My love for self-expression. My love to create something to help others.

If I had been worried about the money or the potential to fail (which is high for entrepreneurs), then I would have made the decision based on fear.

Our leaders (in corporations and politics) always have the choice to lead us, either through love or fear.

The great leaders always use LOVE to inspire us and join them.

Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela are two incredible examples of world leaders who inspired and led by making all decisions through love. Love for their people, love for their country, love for humanity.

They never used fear, even during fearful times to lead. Instead they always focused on the infinite possibilities that were available to them, should they choose to see it and act on it.

The next time you are facing a decision, big or small, ask yourself:

  1. “What would I do if I knew I couldn’t fail?”
  2. “What would I do if I didn’t care what others thought of me?”
  3. “What would the most confident version of me do?”
  4. “What would I do if I wasn’t worried about the money?”

All of these will help you make a decision guided by love and help you expand in life, as opposed to shrinking from life; which is what fear based decisions make you do.

What tough decisions have you made in life? On hindsight, did you make them based on love or fear?